Tuesday, April 25, 2017

4/25/2017

"If it's meant to be, it will be."

The words that her cousin, Mia, constantly advised her with rang in her ears as she walked with the family members behind the van driving out of the funeral parlor. Victoria's eyes were rimmed red, but she trained herself to maintain her composure for her kin's sake as she remained silent. Looking at everyone in front and behind of her, all she could hear was them wailing at the premature loss of an upcoming doctor in their family.

She needed to stay strong, needed to keep the unit in unison in this grieving period.

"Isn't life unfair?" Mia loosened her hair with her fingers and rolled her eyes during happier moments with Victoria. "I've seen my fair share of relationships and friendships being torn like flimsy pieces of paper because one party played out the other."

Victoria raised an eyebrow. "And you're only what? Nineteen?"

Mia was one of the brightest youngsters of the entire clan, even more intelligent than Victoria, and bound for Cambridge to fulfill her ambition of becoming an oncology specialist. She desired to make an impact to the medical world by contributing to the continuing research for a cure to cancer after watching her sister's health debilitated from the illness. Balancing her intelligence was her cute beauty. She had round blue eyes that radiated warmth and cheekbones that illumined her elegance.

Three months to the dark day, she wanted to organize a separate farewell with her peers from high school and matriculation at different moments since they were flying to parts unknown and maintaining contact was tougher than first imagined. Her close mates from matriculation unanimously agreed to meet up at a serene family-owned cafe for a farewell lunch.

Just as she was leaving her client's workplace after a business appointment with her, Victoria caught sight of the stray dog digging with its paw and nuzzling something hidden in the bushes. Her years as a dog owner sharpened her knowledge and understanding of the canine friends; it heightened her curiosity and suspicions concurrently. She sneaked behind the dog and gaped at the gruesome discovery: a badly mangled and bloody body lying in the ditch with the head almost twisted off from the rest of the body.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

4/18/17

The dream began in medias res, where it was at a crowded bus stop with passengers headed in various directions. It wasn’t a disorderly crowd, but it wasn’t an organized one either. People were scattered around each other like a fight was about to ensue. The poor warden was at the front attempting to keep everyone under control. I missed mine because it was packed like a can of sardines and the bus conductor wasn’t accepting more passengers. I was also torn between saying adieu to the person I was with (his identity was undisclosed – something in me knew that it’s a guy with jet-black straight hair) and staying back with him. I unwillingly called off the conversation because it was getting late at night and I wanted to head home to crash.

The warden was able to fit all of us into the shuttle bus that arrived at the central station. It was at that place where we had to take the ones we were supposed to board earlier. I ran from the car park to the nearby stop to catch mine. I noticed that there was a lady with flowing locks skating in front of me while she held a Chinese lantern. When I surveyed my surroundings, the buildings were decorated with the same type of lanterns with geishas who guarded it like German Shepherds.

To say goodbye will be indicative of me parting ways with something or someone, none of which I’m sure now. The person’s identity throws my suspicions out of the whack because I initially thought it was one of my Adelaidean friends. My subconscious could, however, be hinting at a college friend or peer – the ones whom are pals, not acquaintances. The online interpretation also suggested that it means I’m moving on from the worries that have burdened me.

The scene where I was part of the crowd could be illustrative of my desire for some time out, according to the online interpretation. In reality, I wish that I can carve some time out and hide in a place that is far away from familiar places and people. I’ve grown tired of the mountain’s worth of mess that I have to handle and resolve.

The part where I’m surrounded by Chinese lanterns might be a signal that I’ll attain the peace that I’ve yearned for soon. In addition, it might also mean that I’ve found the light that will guide me out of this path of confusion and darkness. As of late, I’ve not been academically confident and felt that I’ve bitten off more than I can chew, as I’ve insinuated in one of the previous posts.

In another dream, I dreamt that someone – an older-looking female driver – drove the car with me in the front passenger seat as we fled the scene during the onset of a hurricane. I remembered that we sealed the house windows with tape and wood and ensured that all the windows were shut before we left. We saw the hurricane lashing its fury on the roads as we drove on. It was quiet on the road with an aura of a ghost town. The winds picked up speed and we heard its desperate cries inside the car. One of our cell phones that were kept in the white three-tier drawers rang, but we ignored it. I didn’t want to reach out to the back and destroy the masking tape that sealed the drawers.

I’ve only one interpretation: I must’ve been watching or reading too much about the severity of Tropical Cyclone Debbie that recently caused damage in Queensland. An online interpretation gave me the definition along the lines of danger, rollercoaster emotions, and the feeling of helplessness.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

4/11/17

Start afresh?

A quick refresher?

When their conversation arrived at its natural end a couple of hours later, she embraced him with a hug that threw him aback. She bit her lip and closed her eyes, unwilling for the tears to betray her thoughts at this moment. She didn’t want him to leave yet it was for their own good if she remained out of Adelaide. He reciprocated with a harder squeeze as he realised that there was a chance he’d never see her again. His T-shirt was soiled at the shoulder area and he immediately released her from his grip, only to notice that her eyes were rimmed raw.

“Oh my God, Winnie.” He wiped the salty solution off her face. “Are you alright?”

She couldn’t look at him in the eye like how a guilty and nervous defendant would avoid facing the presiding judge.

“It’s me.” He turned her to face him. “It’s okay, you can tell me anything.”

“I’m sorry, Brendan. If we’re in another world, the circumstances may be different… and it wouldn’t be arduous for us.”

“Don’t, Winnie. Don’t feel bad. I should be the one to apologise. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you in times of need. With that being said, I hope that you could at least grant one of my wishes.”

“What is it?”

“Don’t lose contact with me ever - no matter what.”

Winnie nodded.



Brendan’s mind whizzed as he digested and reflected on Winnie’s confession in the privacy of his hotel room on Hay Street. He didn’t know where to begin. Half of what she said was eerily accurate. His life would always be in Adelaide - that was where his roots were. He never craved or imagined of moving interstate for anything. She was correct; it’d be unfair and selfish for him to ask her to ditch her life in Perth for him. It was evident in her body language and her approach that her support system was here. But he didn't want to lose her either. He couldn't envision a future without her. He longed for her to be the first person - apart from his family - to celebrate life’s special moments with him. He cherished the food explorations with her and enjoyed driving her around town during the semester breaks. To hear and see her laughing out loud was his greatest wish and there was nothing in the world he’d exchange that for. He wanted to keep her worries at bay whenever she was in his presence like two carefree souls sailing on a yacht on the Tasman Sea.

Give her some time, his brain whispered. Give yourself some time. If you two are meant to be, time will be the connecting factor.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

I'm still here, but I'm hiding behind the curtains

I can’t, for the life of me, believe that my darling baby has slipped into a heat-induced coma. I don’t know what happened to my Sony Vaio, but it crashed when I wanted to tackle the final bits of my Politics of Law research proposal. Thank God I had the nerve to keep a copy in Dropbox and Google Drive – or you’ll see me bursting into tears.

Am I allowed to whine about the late nights spent on the workload? The required amount of time and dedication this semester is more than I initially expected, but I guess it is what it is. I can’t complain much because we’re all in the same boat, gasping for air while struggling to stay afloat like a fish above water. This is especially true for us students who’ve to tackle at least 2 3 hour tutorials for electives. Gone were the days when we could chill until Week 3 of the academic calendar before panicking for dear life. It feels like time has slipped through the cracks of our fingers and propelling us to tackle our fears faster than we would like to.

I should be peppering the final details for these two assignments (although one’s not due until the end of the month. I’m sweating in fear over this one because by the time I’m able to polish it, it’ll be a day before submission… and I like to leave the assignment to sleep for a week before I return with a fresh pair of eyes). I don’t usually stay awake past midnight yet I’m suffering from a serious case of procrastination. I know that somewhere in the depths of my heart, I’m able to unearth the determination to complete the assignments tonight, but I can’t form coherent sentences that will make sense to the lecturer when s/he grades it.



Amidst the boiling temperature of the pressure cooker, the three of us managed to catch up over waffles. Although the arranged location was hidden in one of the laneways, it wasn’t as arduous as I initially thought because of its famous neighbor … and we ran into each other en-route. There was a slight problem that we didn’t foresee: neither one of us expected that the clouds will draw for us a chilly, cocoa-inducing day when we agreed on a day.

Something happened midway during our meal and it set the three of us on a trail of laughter. While my sister managed to recover on time, I bit my tongue to keep myself from rolling on the floor in laughter. I saw the gleam in the good friend’s eyes that if we started laughing out loud, we’d be dead from the lack of breath. The good mood from our outing evaporated the moment my eyes caught the blinking stars in the night sky. It has left me with a heavy heart from time to time because of those twelve words: “So, we should lie on the lawns and watch the starry night.”

Bam.

Inasmuch as I want to burn this miniscule memory of my life, it’s all in the past and there’s no point in crying over spilt milk. I can only send my wishes to the wind and pray that it will deliver it to the intended recipients.



At the rate that I’m speeding on, I’ve to pray that the upcoming mid-semester break will provide something along the lines of a brief respite for me to catch up on sleep and backdated readings. I’m drowning under the pile of tutorial notes that I have to gather to assist me with the assignments (it’s another three, off-memory). It is also on this ground that I want to apologise for my continual absence in the blogosphere - academics have taken a large chunk of time and I'm taking the little breathing space that remained to clear the stress with a spatula.

Gosh, maybe I overestimated my capabilities. The reason why I said that is because I’m highly tempted to scream my lungs out into the pillow to mask the volume. Lord, please save my soul from the torments that I’ve placed myself in.
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